On Wednesday October 13 I had my 17 week routine appt. Mike's dad was visiting us and Mike came home to watch the kids for me to go the this appt. I had possibly felt some movement in the past couple weeks but they were very scarce if it was even baby movement. I was concerned, but at some put in all of my pregnancies I have been concerned so I really did not think much of it as everything was always ok. I had also had those high spikes with my sugar readings that suddenly got better...this was a red flag to me, but Mike and I had started working out so I thought maybe the working out was helping my sugars?? At my appt. Dr. Haas spoke briefly about her concern with those high sugars and ordered a test to be done that could go back and look at my sugars over the past few moths.(Later in the hospital we got the news that test came back perfectly normal). As routine with the Doppler she tried to find the heartbeat...it was taking her a very long time and I did start to get concerned but I always am concerned so I thought nothing of it. She then brought in a very small portable ultrasound to take a quick look to hopefully see that beating heart. As soon as she turned the small ultrasound machine on....I saw it....a perfectly still peaceful baby, mouth open, no movement, no heartbeat. Dr. Haas continued to look at the ultrasound so I could not stand it any longer and said...my baby is not moving and there is no heartbeat...She said she was sorry. Just to be sure they took me into the room with the very high tech ultrasound to double check. The ultrasound tech had the screen on the wall turned off so I could not see...I asked her to turn it on, so she did at the request that I ask her no questions as she would not be able to answer. I saw the same thing on this screen...a perfectly peaceful baby and no heartbeat. They did the color coded thing to see the blood flow in and out of the umbilical cord and there was nothing....the heartbeat line was flat. I think that was the final word to me that my baby was with the Lord.
I had called Mike after they could not hear a heartbeat so in a short amount of time he was there with me. We had two options...go home and wait on labor to start or to be induced. I choose to be induced. I miscarried in 2005 at about 7 weeks and the process of watching all that at home was too much for me. I did not want to go home and chance having a baby there.
We came home very peaceful and talked to our kids....Anna was very sad, they other three I do not think understood. We packed for the hospital, kissed our kids and in a peaceful shock drove to the hospital.
Some of this is a bit blurry to me already. I think they gave me the first pill to make me dilate about 6:30pm....I had a bad backache and some mild cramping but the Lord was so kind in sparing me all the pain that the nurses expected me to be having. My water broke about 3:30 am and our precious baby boy Levi Wesley was born at 7:17am on Thursday October 14th after about 5 pushes. Our nurses cried, our Dr. cried and she prayed with us...we were blessed.
The nurses so carefully and kindly took him over to clean him and do everything they would be doing to a baby that was alive. Mike held him first then the nurses brought him to me. I still cannot get over how perfect he was. He was just beautiful and from what we could tell at this age looked much like Luke. He was fearfully and wonderfully made by the Lord and entered into his eternal home with the Lord a few days before I even knew he had passed. Levi was not made for this earth but was made for heaven. I miss his smell, the touch of his hands and his sweet face.
The nurses and myself took pictures of our Levi....we were given a box full of beautiful home made things...a blanket and baby layette...so so kind. We have these precious things to remember our son by. I also was able to record those special moments we had with him.
My wonderful husband called the funeral home and cemetery to make all the arrangements for Levi's burial. This was so calming for me as I usually take care of phone calls and paperwork yet I made no calls and did no paperwork...Mike so beautifully took care of it all and it turned out so perfect. Kirk Funeral Home here in Rapid City provided the casket and all their services to us at no charge. Mike knew them all very well, not sure if they did it because they knew Mike or because they do it for all stillborn babies. The Lord so kindly provided.
We went back in forth about a burial spot for Levi...Mike and I both want to be buried at National Cemeteries and we knew we wanted the same for Levi...but which one. We thought of going to GA and using one there, but we love the Black Hills National Cemetery here and the thought of flying to GA and delaying the burial for a week or so I did not like. I am peaceful about having Levi buried here as he is not here...yes his earthly body is here but he is with the Lord...I have to keep remembering that. At this point I have no desire to leave SD, I now have a baby here...I know the Lord will heal my heart and that will change with time.
On Friday October 15th at 12:30pm Our pastor here did the service and it was so nice. We had a very small privte service. He spoke on 2 Samuel 12:23...how the Lord took David's son but later gave him another and yes it was Solomon. "...can I bring him back again? I shall go to him, but he shall not return to me." I am going to where Levi is and this time here on earth is as a vapor and then we shall be together for all eternity. Mike's dad led us in a song...we choose...Like a River Glorious....It was beautiful. The service lasted about 30 minutes, it was simple, peaceful and so beautiful. Levi's headstone will be in in about 2 weeks...it is very simple and reads....
Levi Wesley Risse
son of
Ssgt. Michael and Misty Risse
October 14, 2010
Safe in the Arms of Jesus
Everyone has been so kind to us. Thank you for the meals, cards, calls, flowers and especially prayers.I love you all and do desire to call everyone back once I can get my thoughts together. This is the most painful thing I have had to go through, yet the Lord has been so kind and faithful as always giving much grace and a peace that passes all understanding. Much to seek the Lord about over the next couple weeks. I do want Levi's life to bring honor and glory to the Lord Jesus Christ. The Lord knows these things...He sees everything from the beginning to the end, we only see such a tiny piece. My Levi with my precious sister's boys Conner and Cameron together never on this earth but in heaven.
Like A River Glorious
Like a River Glorious Is God's perfect peace
Over all victorious in its bright increase
Perfect yet it floweth fuller everyday
Perfect yet it groweth deeper all the way
Hidden in the hollow of His blessed hand
Never foe can follow Never traitor stand
Not a surge of worry Not a shade of care
Not a blast of hurry Touch the spirit there
Every Joy or Trial falleth from above
Traced upon our dial By the Son of love
We may trust Him fully All for us to do
They who trust Him wholly Find Him wholly true
Stayed upon Jehovah Hearts are fully blest
Finding as He promised perfect peace and rest.
5 comments:
that was beautifully written, Misty. I love your sweet mommy heart. I so admire your testimony. Even in the hardest of times, you are trusting in our Lord. What an encouragement to me and others!
I'm sorry you miss your son Levi and all the pain you are feeling. What a tremendous loss. His days were numbered, as all of ours are. It was no accident that the Lord allowed you and Mike to be his parents. It couldn't have been anyone else. wow.
Love you. "Let thy mercy, O Lord, be upon us, according as we hope in thee."
Oh Misty! That was just beautiful! I am crying and my heart is hurting for you! I am so thankful the LORD has allowed peace in the midst of this terribly sad and difficult time. May He continue to comfort you, to heal your pain, and give you peace. He is good, and does good! We love you, and continue to pray!
Words seem so meaningless. Anything I start to write feels awkward. So I will rely on The Word to give you peace and comfort as only He can! We love you and commit you to our prayers. Thank you for sharing Levi ...the pictures are beautiful. May great grace fall upon you.
In Him,
Jason and Ali Birdwell
Jesus Christ, the same yesterday,today and forever.
Misty, thank you for sharing your pain. It brings back so many memories that I found very hard to share as you have. Thank you for allowing a few more healing tears.
That was a heart warming memory of Levi, may God bring you strength and comfort. and will continue to bless you and your family.
www.marriagewithgod.blogspot.com
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